Conflict

A 17 year old boy came to see me one day I. Going to call him Boy for this story. His expression was worried and eyes were unsmiling.

Boy was doing his Standard 12 exams the next year. He was a good student but recently the sight of his books made him break into a sweat, he said. He was restless and couldn’t even sit in one place for longer than 10 minutes, let alone study for hours on end.

Boy took his time to get comfortable talking to me. Once he did Boy told me that the subjects he was studying were of his father’s choice not his. He had had no say in choosing what he was studying. His school was an “elite” one and offered many unusual subjects that opened up many career options for him. However Boy’s father felt he knew what was best for him when he “grew up”.

Boy had heard of me through another person who had benefitted from counselling. He approached me asking if I could help him change his father’s mind WITHOUT me letting on that he himself was taking counselling. One day his father discovered he was taking help. He came to see me too. He was angry and scolded me for “leading his son astray”. With a little gentle guidance and persistence on my part we were eventually able to have a conversation. All three of us sat together and discussed the pros and cons of what the boy wanted to do, and what the father wanted him to do. When we are heavily emotionally invested in another person, we tend to think that we know best for the other. Allowing no discussion or conversation. Father thought he knew best and son was adamant that he knew better. There was a deadlock. But because there were the 3 of us together during these discussions the talks didn’t end up with anyone stomping out or saying hurtful things to each other. I was able to make space for both parties to be heard and voice their logical arguments pro and against their points of view.

Subjects were chosen in way that both the father’s anxiety about the boys future and the boys interests were addressed in an amicable manner.

The boy is now a happy entrepreneur a the father is proud of his son’s achievements.

Sharing and talking things through helps unlock closed minds, makes it easy to see another person’s point of view.